​So I have a few videos on sexual orientation ocd or HOCD and inevitably, someone will comment. "how do I know I'm not just using OCD as an excuse to hide that I am gay." Man, I don't blame you, I'd want to know this answer myself. Well in this video, my attempt is to answer this question WITHOUT providing reassurance; which we all know is a compulsion that keeps OCD at bay. 

First address the random comments from strangers: "you all just need to accept that you're gay and stop hiding it." or "sexual orientation OCD doesn't exist." As you can tell these types of comments from strangers can be damaging and cause even more anxiety. So let's set the record strait. "get it.....strait." 

Sexual orientation OCD is a subset of OCD. As we know, it attacks what we value and care about. It will make someone question everything about themselves. It can be their sexual orientation, make someone question if they are gay. If they are strait. If they are transgender. It makes you question if you even have OCD. Which brings us here, in this moment. 

Am I already diagnosed with OCD? Have I had other OCD themes in the past? If so, there is a good chance OCD has moved to this new theme. Do I feel anxiety and a strong urge to know right now? and I mean it....like right now! I won't be satisfied until I know this answer....right now! If that's the case, it's likely to be OCD-related. 

Someone who is figuring out their orientation thinks about it in an inquisitive way. Not with extreme anxiety that just won't pass. To me, this is a big indication. Denial means I am choosing to push something away and not think about it. There is the key....not think about it. Someone who is denying something has this ability. Someone with OCD may not. Their brain is forcing a thought. A thought they don't want. A thought that goes against their values and their morals. It is ego-dystonic. It doesn't belong. 

But as we get so caught up in the context of am I gay or am I not; this often can be the trap. You may be watching this video right now and saying...okay Nate says, people have anxiety and can't let it go if they have OCD. Does that sound like me? I'm not sure if that sounds like me. Maybe I really am in denial. I better keep searching. So while OCD seeks this truth, it's really a lie. That's why we gain the upper hand by telling it that you're actually okay not finding the answer. It may seem so out of control that someone can accept that they will not get this answer; but just like any other theme of OCD, this is the way. This is the treatment. 

Using phrases like, "maybe, maybe not" give our brain this answer that's like...okay man....I'm accepting that I don't know and I'll learn to be okay as long as I don't continue to do compulsions. So ultimately, you may be thinking. Nate, you didn't really answer my question. I still want to know if I'm gay or not. Or if I'm strait or if I'm transgender.

Here is the real answer....the way to know is to not know. Sounds nutzo, but it's so true. To commit to not figuring this out is the key. To live your life the way YOU want to live your life. To not stop yourself from moving forward. To not engage with the thought of, "am I gay or not."
To commit and I really mean commit, 100% that I am not going to figure this out anymore. I'm going to stop researching, asking on forums, engaging with my rumination or asking for reassurance.

What ends up happening is one of two things. The theme moves to something else, all of a sudden I'm worried about car emissions and if they are hurting my lungs; or your brain simply doesn't care to find the answer and stops bothering you about it. Think about this, the only reason words have meaning is because we put meaning to it. When you've stripped it all way. It's got nothing left. Your job is to live your life. Move forward, Feel the anxiety and make it your buddy. Commit to not know. To gain even a better understanding of treatment, make sure you watch this video, where I go through the treatment for sexual orientation OCD

​Isn't this the question we have with anything we want to go away in our life? How long will I have this? This question can cause a lot of anxiety to think about and bring a lot of comfort. It all depends on what mindset you have. 

To jump right into it, recovering from OCD depends on many factors. Do I have the right tools and am using the right treatment? Am I actually using the treatment often? Do I have a strong foundation for therapy?

For many, treatment can be relatively quick. Individuals can feel better sooner, while others it may take longer. It also depends on the severity of symptoms.  It's already infiltrated itself into your day, we might as well do something with it. 

I almost hesitate to give a specific number because I do not want you to be your timeline because your timeline is YOURS. Here is what I've heard many specialists suggest their own research. Many can expect to feel recovered between 12-20 therapy sessions and can see a clinically significant decrease in OCD symptoms. Others give a timeline of 2 months. Personally in my own practice, I've seen individuals for a few weeks and others a couple of years. There is not that magical formula that fits each person, but I'll share with you what I see as a standard for individuals getting better quicker. 

-Using exposure and response prevention the correct way. 
-Building an exposure hierarchy to help you face your fears in a gradual way
-Doing these exposures daily and when I mean daily I don't mean 1x a day. I mean, making it your part-time job. It could be hours.
-Simply put. You've got to stop doing compulsions. Even if you're feeling anxiety.
-Your focus must be on recovery. It needs to take priority. 
-You must accept the anxiety, fears, doubt, and guilt and decide they bring no more value into your life. You can't be wishy-washy. "I'll accept this fear, but have to figure out this one." 

All these things are taught in my online OCD course. I'll link it here. You can even try it for free. 

Ultimately, who's going to get better quicker. The person who knows the tools and will do them every once in a while or the person who's dedicated themselves to recovery. They recognize the pitfalls, where they can improve and use resources around them. 

I do want you to know that you can recover from OCD. Things can get better. I also want you to have realistic expectations of what "recovery" means. For some, it may mean they are feeling minimal symptoms. For others, they've reduced symptoms up to 60% and are okay with that. Others may not feel symptoms for weeks, months, years. But here's the deal, this doesn't happen by doing treatment for a few months and then be golden for years to come. It's something you work on to maintain the progress that you've made. So when you hear others say online, "I am recovered" keep this in mind. 

Here is the most important thing. Your recovery is your own.  Your timeline is your own. If you do get caught up in, "how long will this take" you may give yourself an answer like, "it takes as long as it takes and I've accepted this." 

I want you to get on top of this, you need to go right now watch the 25 tips for succeeding in your own OCD here. 

Thanks so much for watching and I'll see you next time. 

Think about your OCD and anxiety symptoms for a moment. Whenever you are feeling anxious or are ruminating.  Is it about things that are happening right now in this moment?  Typically we are feeling anxious about things from our past or things in our future.  Really think about it.  A thought like, did I leave the stove on? That lives in the past. Will I do this thing my brain says I’m going to do? This is in the future.

So, real anxiety that is meant to be felt is for the present moment. Meaning, we need to see the threat. It can’t be a guess of what the threat is going to be it has to be something we actually can see right now. Something like that car that is coming my direction and I need to jump out of the way. I am at somebody’s house and I threw up. My child fell in the swimming pool  and they can swim. Here’s the thing.  When real moments of anxiety actually happen we can fix it and problem solve it.

OCD and anxiety hate living in the present moment. Because in the present moment it knows there is not an actual threat. The only power it has is to warn you of a perceived threat even if it is so untrue and so unfounded. The only power thinks it has is to remind you of the past.  To remind you of all those things that you did that you can’t believe you did.  But the thing it forgets is that your brain back then is not the same brain you have now. Just like when you are five years old, the behaviors, the decisions you made, the tantrums you threw  do not define who you are right now in this moment.  Your brain is different now.  We learn, we adapt, we look back at experiences and say wow, I can’t believe I actually did that.  And the only way we got there is because we learned new things, we grew up.

 OCD loves to attach to the past. We give it zero attention. We don’t even need to use logic with it.  Life is what it is.  We learn through experiences and we move forward. When the brain comes up with memories from the past we can answer them with,  oh yeah!  I remember when that happened.  Sweet glad I made those decisions.  With these answers do they allow your brain to stop going to the past because you simply are teaching it that you don’t care.  You’re not answering it the way that you normally would. 

 When it comes to the future, we treated the same way.  It comes up with any what if’s  and we need to learn to answer it with yes, that may or may not happen. I don’t know, I don’t have a Time Machine to know for sure it is not my job to know right now. We will cross that bridge when I get there. Because more hours of ruminating and problem solving about possible threats does not prevent it from actually happening. Because we often find that there was no threat to begin with. Even when anxiety tells you so strongly that is true. We are not falling for it. 

 So your job is to keep your anxiety and OCD symptoms in the present moment. Staying in the present means you’re not trying to problem solve future. Staying in the present moment means you are not revisiting the past. Staying in the present means you are actually being present.  You’re going out and doing things even if you don’t feel up for it.  You are allowing yourself to enjoy life and continually answering these past or future thoughts with uncertainty.

 So for you to gain the upper hand,  we already know staying in the present moment is one of the best things you can do. Feel empowered when you do not engage in the past or the future. Allow life to be lived right now. Start by answering any threat with and maybe maybe not.

 This is how you will gain control over your OCD and anxiety.

 Here’s my question for you, let me know in the comments.  Does your anxiety or OCD threaten you about the past or your future?

 Thank you so much for watching, and I will see you next time. 

I talk about exposure and response prevention quite often as the best, in my opinion, treatment for OCD and anxiety. I mean you are actually facing your fears. Retraining your brain. You are essentially becoming a researcher. You are doing experiments. You are testing theories. 

You are willing to take the risk that the fear that you currently have may be a false signal.
 I’m going to go through how you can do these experiments better when it comes to your treatment.

So how to do better exposures for experiments. One of the first things  is to be aware of what the perceived threats are the come to your mind. Something like, if I don’t check the door one more time someone can break in.  If I don’t pray, God will smite me. If I don’t put those knifes away I might react and do something. If I get close to that person, what if I like it or them.  If I look at somebody else, maybe I don’t really love my partner. If I touch this item, I will get sick.

 This is how you are keeping track of your fears. What does it mean if you don’t follow through with your compulsion?  What does it mean because you have a certain intrusive thought? 

 This shows exactly how we can do experiments. Your brain already came up with the threat if you don’t follow through with the compulsion.  Now it’s your time to test the theory out. Each one is going to feel very real. It’s going to feel very important. It’s even going to feel risky.

 But just like any experiment, we do not know the outcome until we tested. So what I would do is take one of my fears, and I would test the theory out. My brain says if I don’t check the stove, I will start my house on fire. So guess what I’m going to do, not check the stove. I’m also going to pay attention to all the compulsions that my body wants to do. Maybe it wants to listen for a fire, maybe in researching online the chances of the fire happening.

 I cannot do an experiment, and then mess with the data in between. Instead I’m practicing staying uncertain. Choosing to  see what the outcome is going to be. I’m living my life, if there is a problem I will solve it. If there’s not there’s nothing to solve.

  While I am sitting with this uncertainty, I might be practicing statements tell me through. The house may or may not set on fire. Yep, might be my fault.

 Here’s the cool part, after a few hours, maybe the next day. Your brain looks that moment and says,  hey, I told you that you were in danger. The house is supposed be on fire, it’s not, maybe throughout all false signal your way.

 You did this experiment to see what was going to happen. You tested the theory out. Your brain needs to know that you are testing these fears out, over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. It will finally get it.

 The thing is though, we can never be hundred percent certain that our fear won’t come true. But we are willing to take that risk,  it might be the only way to retrain the brain and for you to enjoy life more freely. 

 I know what you might be thinking, yeah I can test the theory out for something like your example. But mine is different. Mine is more dangerous. Might involves my child, mine involves my salvation, mine involves death.  That’s one of the biggest pieces to get past, you are not special in that your OCD or anxiety is different. It’s all false signals. The only way for you to retrain the brain is to do these experiments.  Do these experiments with meaning. It’s not,  I’m going to avoid checking,  and that I’m going to rock back and forth staring at a wall for the next five hours.  It’s continuing to live life despite of this uncertainty that you’re living in. And anytime a threat comes up,  but is a house going to start on fire?  Your answer is,  yeah man,  maybe maybe not.  I guess we’ll see after the experiment.

My question to you is this….Has your fear EVER come true? Really think about it, the thing your brain threatens to you day after day. 

Thank you so much for watching and I will see you next time. ​

Backdoor spikes are a response to your recovery and success. Those who are recovered with anxiety all of a sudden feel a SPIKE of anxiety that came out NO WHERE. It almost sneaks through the back door and says, “hello, is anywhere there….remember me.” “Let me make you doubt yourself, your diagnosis, and all your feelings.” “make you fearful that you’re going to get stuck with all these OCD and anxiety symptoms all over again.”

Introduction: Hi, my name is Nathan Peterson and in this video I want to share with you what a backdoor spike is and what to do with these nasty things. Just when you think you have it all figured out…..uhhhhhh

The “backdoor spike” is a term that is used to describe the overwhelming feelings that individuals with OCD get when they have thoughts that may make them worry that symptoms may come back. 

A backdoor spike often comes about when an individual has been doing well with their treatment plan for a few weeks or months, leading them to believe that they no longer need treatment. This could be related to the person having had some success and believing they are doing well on their own, or it could happen simply because the anxiety-provoking events of their life are naturally subsiding. But then suddenly out of nowhere comes this thought:

“Even though I haven't had any obsessions or compulsive behaviors in weeks, I still may not be able to control them if anything happens to mess up my treatment plan. What would happen if my Dad got sick? Or if my family gets into another car accident? Then these thoughts wouldn't go away and I'd never get better.” (The word “I’ll never get rid of OCD!” is often present here.) This thought can also take the form of an intuition:

Because I have the thought it must be true. It must mean something great and amazing.  It must be my intuition trying to warn me of something.

The individual struggling with a backdoor spike can spend days or even weeks trying to regain control over their thoughts and feelings as they cycle through obsessive questioning of their own sanity. 

Even after many months or years of recovery, some people with OCD may still find themselves struggling with backdoor spikes. For example, a person might not be able to "really" believe that they are not going back into full-blown OCD because of feeling so depressed without their obsessions and compulsions. Or they may feel so much shame about having had OCD in the first place that any thoughts about getting better make them feel like an impostor who doesn't deserve such good fortune.

 When symptoms start to decline. Individuals are feeling really good. I guess what, those darn intrusive thoughts don’t want to stop. So individuals can start questioning. Wait!  I’m still having all these thoughts and I’m not feeling anxious about them. This must mean something. That must mean that I was really a bad person this whole time.  Must mean the things I was thinking about is actually going to happen.


 So with these backdoor spikes what we do about it?  The answer may surprise you. Are you ready?  You do everything you’ve already doing. That’s right!  The treatment that you did which is most likely exposure and response prevention is the treatment that we continually use for backdoor spikes. Because the body and brain all of a sudden come up with a threat, tries to convince you that you’re in danger all over again and most of the time your job is to respond completely different to these threats. If you’re looking around you don’t see immediate danger we choose to leave these threats uncertain.

 Responses like yeah totally I’m going right back into that OCD what a fun ride this is going to be. I sure hope these experiences come back that would be so amazing. It will not feeling anxiety about it probably does mean I like it.  Some may choose to just stick with the uncertainty route which is those maybe maybe not statements.

 Essentially, we are not problem-solving anymore. Not trying to figure out if you’ll have symptoms again or not. Not figure out why you’re not feeling anxiety. We’re not putting any value to this anymore!   

Intuition isn’t a part of this. The brain is really tricky and make someone believe their thoughts are so powerful. Don’t fall for it. 


One thing to know about backdoor spikes is that it may make you believe that this new topic or fear that throws your way is different. It can make you believe that this is so absolutely important. Because all it wants is for you to come back in to the OCD cycle. To reattach.   They think about it, individuals may go weeks or months without anxiety, then all of a sudden comes back. We naturally are going up a lot of meaning to this.

 In here is how we can see the difference between something you need to put value to something you don’t. When anxiety hits, you might look around you, if you don’t see anything happening. The ceiling is falling down, there isn’t a lion running at you, your child’s not about to fall off the counter, It has to be see something you can physically see. Not something you “THINK” is going to happen. 

If there is nothing you can see where you would be in danger, you may choose to treat it as a false alarm and give it NOTHING. Answer a lot of fears with, Yep, maybe maybe not. Or Totally man. 

To reduce the likely hood of a backdoor spike, people do treatment, even when they’re doing well. They do treatment. They continue to face the fears they did in the past. Just to remind them that they are still the boss. 

 If you are wanting to learn treatment for yourself, check out my online self-directed course for OCD. There are 42 videos this thing.  Takes you through everything you need to know about your OCD and how to do treatment.  I’ll leave a link down in the description below. You can even check It out for free. 

 So here’s my question for you,  have you experienced these backdoor spikes?  What did it look like for you?

You are not special!  WAIT! Don’t don’t run away!  I needed to get your attention for a moment. If you leave now you think I’m just a big jerk.  Here’s what I mean by this! 

So here is what I mean by you not been special. First of all your special.  You matter in your feelings matter. Because you’re even watching this video right now it shows a lot of strength. 
 So what I’m really meaning is that the OCD that you are experiencing is not different.  Individuals can often think that the topic or theme that they are going through this special, it’s different,  no one understands exactly what they are going through,  its untreatable,  I hear all these videos online I see all this advice but it doesn’t apply to my theme. 

Errrrrr!  Nope!  Your OCD is not special or different.  This to me is one of OCD’s biggest lies.  If it can make you believe that you are untreatable and that you are different from what you are experiencing then it’s got you.  Individuals will often tell me that exposures they hear the specific theme just don’t apply to them.  That if people really knew all the details of everything there experiencing they would change the treatment. 

  So this is something that is important to note,  something to tell your OCD even if you think it is different than everyone else’s to remind yourself that OCD is OCD.  That follows the same route as everybody else. It’s making you doubt in question yourself and who you are as a person. It’s making you question the threats in the future and if they can come true or not.  It’s giving you an intrusive thought putting a lot of meeting on this thought making you feel anxious that’s wanting you to do something to fix it. 

 Simple as that.  When we see OCD simply becomes simple. If you see OCD is complicated,  different,  or special,  than it has the upper hand.  To take control is to see it simply. Do not see yourself as different or special.  Like I said you as a person are unique and special.  Your  OCD does not get to join this party. 

 So as you’re seeing the videos that I have, your hearing advice given,  and you think it doesn’t apply to your theme. Remember that this is a lie.  Give yourself more credit.  You can even remind your OCD that it’s not special when it’s trying to take the light.  Give yourself the opportunity to do treatment.  I know what people say, “but if you only heard what I’m going through you’d be shocked.  You would say that mine is different.”  Don’t even allow your brain to go there. Instead he focus on living life and enjoying. 
 This tactic the OCDs using is no longer going to be something you fall for.  Treatment is available if you’re looking for a specialist. 

​So here’s my question for you,  have you ever felt that your OCD is different than everyone else’s? 

mination is essentially trying to problem solve the perceived threat or fear. It’s not as easy to just say, “stop ruminating”, so here are some tips for you when you feel like you’re stuck in the OCD rumination. ​

Memory Hoarding can be so difficult for the person experiencing it. Imagine feeling the need to remember EVERYTHING. Seriously. If you can’t keep the memory, you’re not sure what will happen. Something bad? Maybe you’ll regret not having it when you need it. You're feeling anxious because there is a fear that you may need the memory later. Let us go through what mental hoarding looks like and how to do evidence-based treatments for it. ​